Rebuilding a Life After Goodbye

My husband with our cat in better times. (photo credit: author)

My life has changed a lot just in the weeks leading up to my husband’s memorial and even more since then.

I’ve been blessed with an invigorated spirit since his passing, especially recently. It’s like we’re all moving ahead with our lives, finally. It feels weird and foreign but at the same time, it’s very welcome.

I feel a little bit like I’m dishonoring my husband’s memory by moving forward without him, like I might be forgetting him too soon. But at the same time, I also feel like it’s what he would want me to do.

How I’m moving forward

I’m suddenly being flooded with new job opportunities coming my way. It’s completely unlike anything that’s ever happened before. I may just take one of them if it comes through.

A friend of mine told me about opportunities at her company, which are remote jobs I can do from home on any shift. The pay is much better than I’d make from combining disability, freelancing, and even if I had my husband’s social security survivor benefits (which I’m not eligible for until two years from now.) I’d even have health insurance, which would mean that my kids would, too.

That would enable me to still meet my kids’ needs, as they shift from dependence to independence. I need to get my youngest into drivers’ training and help him get his license soon. Then, he’ll look for a job and start saving up for a car of his own, which I’ll help with, of course.

My middle daughter is also now actively looking for work. We thought we’d be able to get her name changed before she had to look for work but that process is going to take longer (much longer) than we thought. So she’s going to look for work at one of the many transgender-friendly employers. Once her name change is complete, she’ll register with the state pharmacy board as a technician trainee, but that’s going to take even more time.

Her main goal is to be able to start helping me with the household expenses as soon as possible, which is greatly appreciated. I’ve completely paid off all my debts but I still don’t have enough money to cover the bills on my own without tapping into my husband’s life insurance. I want to keep as much of that remaining money as possible, so I’m going to need her help.