Polyamory Fails

Holly Case
5 min readApr 17

I’ve been experimenting with dating since a few months after I lost my husband.

At first, I was only looking for some company and a social life. I found out that I was much more attractive to people than my late husband had ever let me believe, which did wonders for boosting my self-confidence. I can even see the profound difference in my appearance as a result of my increased self-confidence.

But I also started by exploring polyamory, which has presented several challenges.

My first outing

My first experience with polyamory was incredibly bad, even disastrously so. He was the nesting partner of a very good friend of mine. I had already briefly met him because she volunteered to bring food and supplies to my late husband in his final weeks and one time, her partner was the one to deliver them. I felt like he was safe for me to be with as my first partner after losing my husband because of what I already knew about him through her.

I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t stepping on any boundaries, so I asked my friend first what she would think about me approaching her partner.

She was extremely supportive of the idea at first. She suggested that I make an account on a certain website and gave me her username and his and advised me to send friend requests to both of them.

Long story short, she ended up NOT being okay with it and even said that she felt like I had used her, which was the last thing that I had ever wanted or intended. I immediately ended contact with him but it was still already too late. I desperately wish I could undo that mistake and poor judgment call. I lost a friendship that I really valued and it’s never been the same since.

My second venture into polyamory

My second venture into the poly world was with a woman; I’ve written a lot about that relationship (which just ended.)

We dated for 10 months and became quite close. Our senses of humor were very similar (which is to say somewhat dark and warped) and we had a great time hanging out together. I still miss her quite a bit.

But even though we had been together for nearly a year, she didn’t see a future for the relationship. In fact, she had only…

Holly Case

Therapy-informed writer/mom. Widowed young from a great man. Always learning. Healing from generational trauma. 5X Top Writer Parenting/Feminism