New Directions

Holly Case
5 min readFeb 13, 2023
Image by Jess Foami from Pixabay

I‘ve honestly been sitting on this post for a while. I thought it might be most appropriate to wait until June for Pride Month but I decided that I have to live my truth now, openly and loudly.

I’ve discovered that I’m a lesbian. And I absolutely love everything about it.

What about my husband?

Well, my husband always knew that I at least considered myself bisexual. I was reading a book from the library (because remember, this was well before the internet became accessible) about how to tell if you’re gay or not. As if the fact that I was reading such a book didn’t answer enough in itself.

It was not really much of a thing in our marriage. I’ve heard about couples where the wife is bisexual and they have an arrangement where she can step out with women and get those desires and needs met.

That wasn’t us. We tried to have a monogamous relationship and strove to be everything to each other. We didn’t really incorporate much of my attraction to women into our relationship. I can see how some couples might but that just wasn’t who we were or what our relationship was like.

Maybe, now that I’ve explored polyamory a little, I think that might have worked for us if we had considered it. But we didn’t and that was the end of that.

He was exceptional in every way. Yes, even as a lover in his final years, after he changed and became “Mr. Wonderful.” He felt so bad about depriving me of sex for so long that we continued to maintain an active sex life, even while he was on chemo. We had sex until two weeks before he died. He was proud of that fact and so was I. We finally found a way to truly connect with each other and we didn’t want to let it go until the very last minute. I only share that extremely personal detail both to explain how much he changed and the fact that my attraction to women is completely independent of what our sex life was together.

How do I know?

It’s a fair question, honestly. How would I know that I’m really into women if my previous experience was limited?

I have had enough experience with women to know that I’m absolutely 100 percent sure that it’s who I am. Women are so soft and so beautiful. So gentle. Kissing women is still so…

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Holly Case

Widowed young from a great man. Healing from generational trauma. Recently discovered AuDHD. Always curious and wanting to understand the world better.