I knew that when I moved into my own place, I would be facing reality in a completely new way. What I didn’t expect was how many things in my life would change.
I’ve started a new job and I’ve been adjusting to being a working single mom. My two young adult kids are more like roommates that I happen to be related to and we keep the house running pretty well among the three of us. But to say that it’s extremely difficult would be an understatement.
Missing my late husband
I expected to feel a whole new wave of grief once I left the house that we shared together for almost 6 years, where I remained for another 19 months after his death.
What I didn’t expect was how profoundly I would feel lost and alone without him once I left the house. It was like the house was my last real tie to him and without it, I had to face the future on my own.
I’ve even thought several times about putting my rings back on, as I’m far too busy to consider dating now. I haven’t done it yet but I still think about doing so all the time.
For now, I just twist the ring on my right hand, an infinity symbol he got for me with our names engraved in it. It reminds me of him in a subtle but tangible way.
In a holding pattern
Living here is quite simply a holding pattern, a place where my son can get to school on his own without driving a car and where my daughter can save up some money to move out on her own.
Because they’re splitting the bills with me, I opted for a bit more expensive place than I otherwise would have. My daughter enjoys being able to park in the garage, which she couldn’t do at our old home because half of the garage was full of junk.
But I also have a lot of items to sell, which take up quite a bit of room. I’m grateful to have a large enough closet where I can store them, which I likely would not have if we were in an apartment.
Fortunately, although I’m still paying too much for rent, at least the utilities cost substantially less now. I love that. My car insurance also went down by $1200 a year, presumably because I’m far enough outside Dallas/Fort Worth (though still considered part of the metro area) that my risk of being in…